They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize