laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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