I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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