Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
