my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
