Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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