guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is Oprah even human
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
