She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize