When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize