Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
