Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
