it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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