you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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