Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
