i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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