I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
