u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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