I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
no, he came in my armpit
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
