I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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