Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
