i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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