I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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