Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
