Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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