so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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