i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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