I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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