It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
