You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
