Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
