dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize