i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
