Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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