How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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