My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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