chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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