I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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