i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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