oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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