my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
People in love make me want to vomit
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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