he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
