i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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