my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm just crazy horny about you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
