I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
