"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
