Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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