Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
