omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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