A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i think i just lost a toe
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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