bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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