I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
