sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
