Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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