it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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