I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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