can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
